I Hit The Jackpot

Somewhere out there I am sure that the winning lottery ticket holder will be raking in millions of dollars divided out in yearly installments.  And The Publishers Clearing House is ready to knock on some unknowing subscibers door, to deliver the big cardboard check and celebratory balloons.  And they will have really "Hit The Jackpot". They will be rich overnight.
Well I am here to tell you that I have hit the Jackpot of Life.  I am holding the preverbial cardboard check, and it is payable to  Margi Conley Jackman in the amount of....wait for it......a gazillion dollars in BLESSINGS
Twenty some years ago when my first name became "Mommy" "Ryan, Ally & Brad's Mom" I was sure that they would be little forever.  I was sure that I would never sleep through the night.  I would never get all the grass stains out of their clothes.  The pediatrician seemed like family as often as we were there.  He was on speed dial. The three of them would always be little enough that they would love me No Matter What.  And I would never get tired of hearing little prayers at night thanking Heavenly Father for Mommy and Daddy, a brand new swingset and chocolate cupcakes. Being happy and grateful is easy when you are little and...LOVED.
They would surely always be little, and they would absolutely always love me more than the swingset, the chocolate cupcake and koolaid.  Isn't the plan that Mommy is the "go to girl" when they have a secret, a skinned up knee, or a bad dream.  I am sure that every monster in the closet or under the bed knew there was no place in my home for them.  I was truely the "Slayer"  of all things that would hurt my kids. I might have had a super hero cape in pink.
Well now Twenty some years later, most of the time I am just Mom.  Sometimes "Lady" but always thier number one fan.  I now sleep through the night, my laundry is always done, and I am not sure that my doctor even knows my first name.  I would still be a "SLAYER" of all things that could hurt my children, but I know that they must live and learn, just like me and their dad did. And that is hard to do when you are used to being the "Slayer" but I do my very best 98% of the time.
I am still Ryan Ally and Brad's mom, and that makes me rich.  But I also am Mother In Law to Kameron, Melanie and almost Amy.  And so now I am richer.  Hence "The Jackpot" 
Kameron treats my Ally like a queen.  He is now the "slayer" of all things bad.  He loves her to distraction and is never afraid to show her. He completes Ally. They were meant To Be.
Melanie is crazy madly in love with Ryan. She is his rock and his anchor on this journey they call Medical school.  She is his other half. Home is where ever Melanie is for Ryan. They Belong together.
And Amy is Brad's soulmate.  She is the love of his life, and his future.  Amy is the reason for his smile now.  She loves him completely. And he is safe with her.  Together is a perfect place to be.
So you see.. what more could a Mom ask for?  I have hit the Jackpot.  My three little ones are all grow'd up and they have chosen so wisely. Theirs is a journey of love, adventure and family.
And what makes me so rich? Well, this Mom still gets to wipe away tears, hear their secrets, celebrate their happiness and share a cupcake with all six of them. Ryan, Ally and Brad are safe and complete with Melanie Kameron and Amy.
And me..I sleep through night now and never forget to be grateful for children who love me.
Yea I hit the Jackpot and I am the richest girl you know.

When I Grow Up I Want To Be Just Like My Mom....
Sometimes on snowy days when I am all bundled up by my fire I would like to pick up the phone and chat with my mom. I think of that often, sunny days, rainy days, Fabulous days, "Just Found A Great Deal and I wanna tell you" Days.  So lets see....that is most days.  So yes, most days I think about my mom.  But on some days I take the time to visit those memories that make me smile and I know that I was the luckiest girl on the planet to have called Margaret Conley "MOM" 
It is the small things that I am remembering today, but small is powerful. I remember shopping at Toys By Roy every July for the most perfect doll for my birthday, and then a walk through Jerry's pet shop just because. To be followed by an ice cream at the fountain counter at TG&Y.
I remember when she used to show up at my high school without warning, just to check me out for lunch.  And we would go to Burger Time for a burger and a 5 cent coke.  Coke always tasted so much better when shared with my mom.  Eating in the car was always our best "Visit Time" Those lunches always ended up with me and mom at Loretto Mall and a purchase at JC Penny's cuz "It will look so darling on you" and we couldn't leave "IT" behind.
I remember coming home from school and smelling a pot of beans on the stove from the front porch and knowing that my mom was home and waiting for me to get there.
I remember my moms beautiful pink dress the day that I got married and the smile on her face as she said "This is a Happily Ever After Day" and my heart agreed with her. The hug she gave me promised she would always be there for me.  And I knew that I would always be her little girl and that was a gift.
My mom wore red nail polish and red lipstick.  She smelled like Jessica McClintock perfume and she loved high heels. My mom loved a great purse and always had one.  My mom was the definition of "A Lady"  My mom knew how to do things, like cook and sew.  She knew how to balance a check book and run a home.  But mostly My Mom knew how to LOVE.  And it was Uunconditional.  It was Big and Wonderful.  My mom's love was the warm blanket when I was cold, it was like a ray of sunshine coming through my bedroom window in the morning.  My moms love was my North Star and my Anchor.  And I Loved Her Right Back.  She was my rock through my first broken heart, leaving home, and my first baby. She held my hand as she watched me finally grow into a big girl.  And after all those years of being there for me my sweet mama got tired and she got sick. And she lived with me. She still brought the sunshine with her and she still kept me warm when insecurities swamped me and we had to say goodbye.  We held hands, we talked, we cried. and we knew there would be tomorrow. 
When I grow up I want to be a woman just like My Mom. I want to always wear red nail polish and carry a great purse and I want my children to know that my love for them is bigger than the universe.

Confessions of a Grandma To Be.....

Okay....So I consider myself to be a very mature intelligent forty something woman.  I don't know what has happened to me in the last month however.  My normal somewhat controlled personality has deserted me, and in the most inopportune places.  The Target Baby Aisle....Any Baby Aisle for that matter.  Who even knew that Kohls had baby clothes. I for one have never even been to that geographical location of the store.
As you know, I am going to be the Grandma of two darling, highly above average, take your breath away little girls. For Heavens Sakes, that is a huge responsibility.  One that seems to have me thinking in PINK, RUFFLES AND TUTU'S.
I had heard about the this FABULOUS GRANDMA PHENOMENON, but one must experience it, to truly understrand how very mind altering it can become.  Just the other day I was in Target, minding my own business walking away from the Rubbermaid aisle, when out of no where the PINK POLKA DOT shorts with the matching frilly shirt just screamed my name and like a magnet I was checking for a 6-9 months size.  You see my sweet grandbabies wont be born until the Fall.  Once I had two of the correct size in hand, I found myself searching for the perfect little sandals to complete the ensemble.  And wouldn't you know it, I found the shoes, hairbows, and a light POLKA DOT SWEATER just in case it's a cool summer evening.
This whole time I am thinking, "Oh my goodness, I am in need of a basket!" because I look down and I am also carrying Lavendar Baby Wash, Lotion and Oil, to help them get a good nights sleep and smell yummy all at the same time.  And did you know that the bath towels for babies must arrive directly from the baby spa?
This has to stop before I get to the aisle with the swings, and other extraordinary baby loungers and such, I drive a compact car after all.
Never before have I had to fight off invisible arms that reach for me from shelves displaying the sweetest little onesies, and sockies and binkies.  And who invented those darling BLINGY binkey holders?  It must have been a GRANDMA TO BE.  Yes, that is the only explanation for them.
I find myself in a bit of pickle you see, because how am I to dodge all of the Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice?  I fear that I am doomed to be the CRAZY GRANDMA after all.  Because I Am CRAZY about all  of this PINK PARAPHENALIA that is coming at me from every angle.  I may not have the inner strength to dodge the diapers bags, and car seat covers, the bumper pads and vibrating chairs.  The bonnets and bows are my down fall.  And the shoes.....well it has always been all about the shoes.
My Name Is Margi Jackman, and I am about to be a GRANDMA!!!!!!

UNPACKING

The only sure thing about traveling, and returning home is that you will always have to unpack. 

 We all do that differently I am thinking.  Some people are over achievers by nature and have

their suitcases unpacked and their laundry going before they even check their mail.

Others need a little time to regroup from their travels before they attack the bags.

While still others are stepping over their bags a week after they have returned home because

they can't bear to face the sorting and laundry and the chaos that is unpacking.

Me, well I am a little bit of all three.  The big stuff gets done rather quickly, but it is up to

a week before all the souvaniers and gift bags are even opened and find a home.

I don't really like Big Clutter, but Little Clutter, I seem to be quite comfortable with.

This past weekend I did some unpacking.  It is very different when you are doing it for someone else.

You see, I haven't left home in awhile.  But when I do, I am not really a light packer.  Shoes seem

to be my downfall, Somehow they always take up enough room that I need two bags for where ever I am headed. I did unpack two bags this weekend.  And I learned so much in the process. 

We think that we really know our children, and we do.  But when we unpack their bags, it is a little window into who they really are.  And what is important to them.

Elder Jackman got off that plane on April 29th and everything he owned fit into two suitcases and one

carry on.  For two years his life fit into those bags.  Sometimes I am sure the fit was tighter than others. Especially after  I had sent him a George Foreman Grill shortly after he left.  That is a story to be blogged later.   Each one of his bags was full, mostly of white shirts, ties, black socks and even an extra suit.

WHITE shirts is really being very optimistic.  I am sure there was a time when they passed for WHITE.  As I pulled them out they were more in the area of gray/white on the color wheel.  But what I noticed most was

that they were worn.  And it dawned on me how very grateful I was that they were worn and thread bare.  That meant that Brad had used them up as he represented his Heavenly Father every day of his mission.

His shirts, his shoes, his ties....they were all tired.  And tired missionary clothes were part of a very busy missionary.  My insight into the type of missionary Brad was, became sharper.  It all became clearer.  This doesn't come through in an email.  Unpacking is a gift given to a missionary mom.

There in the corner of his second bag was one pair of jeans, a pair of shorts and 3 t-shirts.  The sum of his civilian clothes as he called them.  It was odd knowing that he had so few regular clothes, when I knew his closet at home rivaled any department store.  Another insight into Brads focus and purpose the past two years.  There is a time and a place for fashion and wardrobe, and the last two years was not that time or place for designer names.  It was a time for dark suits, black socks, sturdy shoes, white shirts, a variety of ties, and a name tag.  It was a time of travel for sure.  Mostly walking from place to place, regardless of the weather outside.  The walking produced holes in the soles of Brad's sturdy shoes, and it left footprints on his heart, and the hearts of those he grew to love.  Known only as Elder Jackman to those he taught, a young man on a mission to change the world one lesson, and one testimony at a time.  Striving every day to make a difference in a very unpredictable world.

So as to not be totally on my own while his whole life was being unpacked and put away, Brad supervised my efforts with a keen eye.  There were pictures of people and places dear to his heart, that required a safe place.  His Preach My Gospel book was tattered and worn.  Another window opening to me as I looked in and saw who he was as Elder Jackman. 

What I really unpacked that day were memories that Brad will always handle carefully. I glimpsed in those moments, what he really brought home with him.  Yes, there were the clothes that had seen better days.  There were books and a few gifts he had received.  But tucked in around all the material things, were the things that Elder Jackman brought back.  He brought home a testimony that will carry him through his life.  He packed up experiences that changed who he was.  He brought home a heart that was now full of charity, understanding, tolerance and patience.  Gratitude was packed along side of Empathy. The souviners are the people who made a difference in his life, as he strived to make a difference in theirs.  Most of what Brad brought home, was packed deep inside of his heart.  And he can unpack that anytime he wants and find himself back on his West Virgina mission. He will always be able to travel back in his heart. The man that came home in Elder Jackman's well worn shoes, is a man grateful for the opportunity to serve his Heavenly Father.  His suitcases are unpacked, but his experiences are far from being put away.

Welcome Home Brad.

In The Blink Of An Eye

That is a saying that my mom used often.  And all these years later it is the first thing that came to mind a week and a half ago when life as Brad knew it changed in the BLINK OF AN EYE. 
It all started with the phone call from Kentucky. "Hello Sister Jackman, this is Elder Kelsch and I am serving with your son in Kentucky....well there has been a little accident and I believe that his ankle is dislocated.  Now don't worry too much Sister Jackman, they may be able to just pop that baby right back into place and he will be as good as new.  I will keep you posted." 
Well... the next phone call 15 minutes later proved to be the more disturbing conversation.  Elder Kelsch was not as composed, as he had to share with the "crazy with worry  mom," that young Elder Jackman would be needing surgery.  A few minor details being left out of the first conversation, such as "the bone is kinda out of the skin Sister Jackman" and "Elder Jackman's foot is at an awfully disturbing angle Sister Jackman" 
I must say that I was feeling sorry for Elder Kelsch, as he was the one carrying out the assignment of calling Brad's mom.  I do take a little umbrage at the thought of being the crazy, freak out mom though.  I like to think that I keep all of my "Freak Out" deep inside.  I used to tell my kids that if I freak out worse than other  mothers,  well I must just love them more.  That worked for a very long time I am telling you.  However those children decided to grow up and now it is a cross I bear when I am placed in a possible Freak Out situation.
With morophine pumping through his very injured system Elder Jackman was comfortable and feeling positive about his situation.  Until....there was the talk of "Putting Him Out" to put his foot back into it's natural place on his leg.  He had been an exceptional patient up to that point, and so not really knowing how
"Re-setting" the foot was going to affect his current state of comfort, he went as a willing lamb.   The anesthetic cocktail put him right to sleep, until that one lightening quick motion that caused Elder Jackman to re-visit that excrutiating pain that landed him on this gurney to begin with.  He cannot be held responsible for the "unseemly noun" that escaped his mouth just as his foot found its natural home at the end of his leg.
Still feeling somewhat in control Elder J reported to his dad that everything was just fine.  And then he was given the news of the surgery. He inquired as to when the surgery would be, and he was surprised when the doctor said, "Well right now seems like the best time to me."  I suppose when the bone has come through your skin the word emergency seems to take on a whole new meaning.  And so sound asleep and hoping that he was in very good hands, he took the ride on the gurney into the O.R.  Always good to have Heavenly Father as your wingman when you are a missionary.  I as a mother am profoundly grateful for who assisted that surgeon in the Operating Room.  Faith is gift that just keeps on giving.  Especially when you are a Missionary Mom.
Elder Jackman came through the surgery like a rockstar.  And true to form, he came out of the anesthesia with a few embarrassing moments.  I do believe that he hit on a couple of nurses, as the first thing that he told his mom on the phone was. "I am really hurting, but my nurse is Hot."  Trouble shooting is the name of the game for any mother, and so in realizing that he was doing fine, she encouraged Brad to hand the phone off to his very responsible friend Elder Kelsch.  "Please just put your hand right over young Brad's mouth when he goes to hit on the nurses would you Elder Kelsch.  That will save both of you a lot of embarrassment tomorrow."  "Well Sister Jackman he is quite a flirt isn't he?"  To which I responded, "Oh, it comes just like breathing air to him." 
In recounting the day of surgery with Elder Jackman the following day, I just had to share his post operative thoughts with him.  And I must say that I laughed so hard when he said, "No.. I didn't did I?"  Some things will always be a constant in our lives and I am afraid that Brad will always want to flirt with the nurses, after any surgery.  Even when he is 90.  He thanked me for the hand over the mouth advice to Elder Kelsch, but said that apparently no one put their hand over his mouth in the ER when he shouted *(%$###%.  He wasn't aware of that little indiscretion until Elder Kelsch so eloquently brought it to his attention by saying "So what is this I hear about you swearing in the ER Elder Jackmn?"  Desperate times call for desperate measures I am thinking.
Speaking to the surgeon was my top priority once I knew that Brad was alright.  And that is a conversation I shall not soon forget.  Mind you this whole experience for me is taking place via cell phone.  No one will ever no what it took for me not to be on a plane to Kentucky Thursday night.  Having said that, clearly there must be a special place in Heaven for mom's like me.  Card carrying, rule following, son loving mom's.  The surgeon recounted the injury and surgery for me.  "On a scale from 1-10 Mrs. Jackman, your son's injury was a 10.  I have never seen a break that severe on someone his age.  I was able to put him back together,
(Humpty Dumpty then came to my mind as I listened closely) with 8 screws and a plate on one side of his ankle and 2 screws on the other side.  He is going to be in quite a lot of pain. At some point during the talk of the hardware he was now the proud owner of, I began to go into the "Freak Out" mode, but only quietly in my brain, because my  voice sounded surprisingly normal and mature and very together.  Kudos to me I was thinking.  The surgeon doesn't even know that I am falling to pieces inside knowing that I am not there.  But my voice was every inch the mature concerned put together mom, that I wasn't.
Now, passing time in the hospital is hard for any of us. But when you are a missionary it is brutal.  There is no magazine reading, no television watching,so that means no Sports Center. No ipod with your ear buds to tune out the world.  And you have to say no every time the elderly volunteer lady comes in with a choice of movies from the cart.  You have only time, and your own company.  Lucky for Brad he had three missionaries with him, who were in the same boat as him as far as making time move quicker.  But they were not without something to do.  When I called to check on him Wednesday morning I said "so what are you up to Elder?" Nothing would have surprised me more than the answer that he gave me. "Well it is raining buckets in Ashland today and so the fabulous four are here in my room, and we are crocheting." Crocheting?  Really....  Apparently Elder Kelsch's mom had taught him to crochet when he was younger, and it was a favorite pastime for him.  He had been teaching the other missionaries how to crochet for some time.  Brad commented that Elder Kelsch was wicked fast at it, and he was just slow at it.  He was hoping to have two baby blankets made for the babies that were on the way in the fall, but now......since he would have to come home, he would probably only get a pot holder done in time. During the whole conversation I was trying desperately to pick myself up off the floor and focus on the whole story.
Once I gained my composure and made sure that he hadn't had too much morophine, I had to say that he was in quite good spirits as he crocheted his morning away with three of his closest friends.  Missions are full of surprises.
Three weeks ago Brad was full of ideas and plans for finishing up his mission in Ashland Kentucky in June.  The little town where his Grandpa Conley was born.  So really he was serving Heavenly Father in the town where he really began. Sort of.  And in the BLINK OF AN EYE, his plans were altered.  He would be coming home 6 weeks early, in wheelchair with crutches.  He would say goodbye to his mission in a much different way than he planned.  But whether he served for 24 months or 22 1/2 months one thing is for sure.  Elder Brad Jackman has been a Fabulous Missionary.  He has served with a happy heart.  He has laughed, he has cried, he has worried and prayed and he has felt joy beyond his wildest dreams.  He has been a leader in Heavenly Fathers valiant army.  He has shared a message that has been around since the Savior himself. Brad has been the mouthpiece, and Heavenly Father has been in the homes of everyone that Brad taught.  Elder Jackman has brought hope to everyone who chose to listen to the message he taught.  And every step of the way he has had his Father in Heaven by his side.  And how do I know this with such sureity?  Well, he let us be a part of his grand adventure, through his letters home.  I felt his spirit every Monday, and I know that he served with everything that he has.  I sent out a young teenager with a belief in the gospel, and I have seen him grow into a valiant man who feels in his heart what he knows in his mind.  A missionary who has suffered through adversity and won.  A missionary who has such a trust in the Lord that he will be led in every way.  And a missionary who is grateful for the opportunity to teach others about the gospel that is his whole life.  Yes, Brad can come home, to heal and to regain his strength.  Because he has done what he went to do.  He has been a desciple.  He Has Made A Difference.

Margi

Blessings....I Count Mine

Snowy Sunday's seem to be the perfect time for me to relax by the fire, and

unwind from the weekend. Having a chance to listen to General Conference

has made this snowy sunday a perfect day.  Generally snowy and perfect

never go hand in hand in my mind.  However today was the exception.

As I listened to the talks, they each seemed to touch a piece of my heart.

As I listened I learned about strength in trials, about the beauty of marriage,

the tender mercies of being a parent, and the thread of each lesson led me

back to my faith in my Heavenly Father. 

I consider myself a reasonably smart person and so why

did I never consider the genius idea of the TO DO list vs. THE BE list.

Elder Robbins shared such great insight on the TO BE list.  It is something

that cannot be checked off at the end of day.  My character, and My

integrity, My very standards, are a life time in the making.  Which gave me

a moment to think, am I who I always wanted to BE?

Is my Heavenly Father proud of who I am today?

Raising children is challenging and rewarding every day.

And I know I was entrusted to not just care for their needs

But to mold their little souls and teach their trusting

minds and hearts the important things, the spiritual things, the eternal things.

I shared with them from a very early age, the importance of

MAKING A DIFFERENCE

everywhere they went. Oh, in the beginning it was a small difference,

but as they grew, I was taught often by them, by the unconditional love they

shared with those around them.  For their unconventional choices when they

could have caved to peer pressure.  And as adults they, and in Ryan and Ally's life, their

wonderful spouses, continue to touch other people's lives, by Who they are and Whose they are.

The Greatest Blessing is that my children know WHOSE they are.

 Because They.... are Heavenly Father's very special children.

That is where my focus lies tonight.  I too must make a difference where ever I

can and for whoever I can.  That is the blessing and the tender mercy of being

a mom, living your life in a way that would make those you love happy to be Yours.

Heavenly Father taught me today, and I will do my best to be a better Me.

Because My Blessings Are Many, And I Must Always Remember To Give Back.

Margi

Living The Dream... Is All About Family

Living My Dream is about Making The Most of every day.

Its about the man that I married.  He is my best friend who

I plan to grow old with.  My Dream includes His Dreams.

He holds me together when life has threatened to shatter me.

He laughs at me and with me.

He holds my heart and my hand with a gentle strength. 

He loves me no matter what.  With or Without my sense

of humor.  He loves me for who I am and for who I am

trying to become.  He inspires me and he makes me crazy.

He is my joy, my success, my partner, my friend, my other half.

Living My Dream is walking that meandering pathway of life with him.

That pathway has taken us to places we never imagined.

Our pathway that led to parenthood is one that we have walked

for almost 26 years now.  Where did the time go?

Our three children are the Greatest Things We Have Ever Done

Ryan and Ally and Brad!

We have experienced colic, potty training, nap time and bedtime.
Living My Dream opened doors to pre-school, elementary school,

PTA and Room Mother.

Skinned knees, tender feelings, and our family dog.

My dream has brought me Happiness that is almost Magical.

Sorrows that have crashed in on me as powerful waves.

And that same dream has given me an inner strength that helps me to

rise again when it is difficult to stand.

I have learned over the years that...

 Trials are a for sure thing, but Misery is Optional

I have seen....

 High School, and Proms.

Dance and Lacrosse.  First Love's and Broken Hearts

All through the eyes of their mom.

Living my dream has meant late night talks, noise, shopping sprees,

cell phones, parent teacher conferences and acne.

Graduation, college, missions, and weddings.

My life with Tom is quieter now, and even a little slower.

But my Dream has taught me to love, and to share and to sacrifice.

I have more hope and more faith and more peace because of my family.

My children are my greatest friends, my greatest fans, and my greatest blessings.

Up to now, My Dreams Have All Come True....

And the Living Continues....Grandbabies on the way.